She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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