She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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