Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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