dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
