Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
