I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"it" just moved
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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