just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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