They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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