Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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