We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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