Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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