this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
