I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
