is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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