fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
