I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
