just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
