you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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