It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
