She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
