i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
