he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
