hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
