I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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