I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
