So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
