he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
