I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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