Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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