We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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