addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
