i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
