i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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