I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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