But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
