Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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