WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
