One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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