It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
