I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
