That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
