If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
