biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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