fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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