ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
