For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
