omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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