Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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