She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
