it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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