Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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