I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
