my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am naked and annoyed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
