I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
