After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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