I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
