paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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