ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

  Fav 56 10059 1282

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.

  Fav 25 8819 1444

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.

  Fav 14 5675 1237

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom

  Fav 7 1118 3120

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.

  Fav 23 1454 6097

  share tweet
  

• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that

  Fav 13 2842 1238

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over

  Fav 5 2086 948

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't they always?

  Fav 1 1916 1044

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.

  Fav 4 843 626

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around

  Fav 0 355 273

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.

  Fav 0 186 314

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?

  Fav 1 26 30

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.

  Fav 1 77 17

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.

  (805): View more from California

  Thats what I'm talking about

  Fav 0 59 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (541): View more from Oregon

  He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.

  Fav 0 44 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize