it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
are you so shy because you have an std?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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