you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she looked like the before picture.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
