How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
