Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
