just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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