She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
