I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
