He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
