dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
