does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
