1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
