I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
