im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
