So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
