i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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