Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
