; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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