Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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