My first STD was from a foam party
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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