I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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